Within and without.
Death is inevitably certain in any life. There’s always a start and a finish. Death is quite stubborn and likes to show up when it pleases, not listening to the cries and screams of others begging for it to wait. It’s been about 5 months since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Its been steadily conquering her body, however not at an incredible rate. A woman who is already suffering from a dislocated spinal disc, high blood pressure, arthritis, anxiety, and is manic depressive; It breaks my heart every time I see her cabinet full of medication and all I can do is encourage her to take them in hopes that she gets better, but knowing she won’t. The first three months were the most difficult for me, to the point where I began losing some hair. While I know death is guaranteed, I’m not ready to lose the only family member I have, let alone my own mother. I’ve lost relatives before, including my grandfather, but I was much younger and incapable of truly understanding the pain of a loss.
This is one of the few times I’m grateful that I work late nights, that I don’t share my apartment with anyone, that I don’t have a ton of friends around. I can cry whenever I feel the need to. I don’t have to deal with other people’s problems, the things about them that bother me, or even have someone just kind of hover over me all the time. It’s just me, my whimpers hidden behind the fog of noise created by my computer speakers, and my tears being absorbed by my carpet or pillow.
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emlarr said:
*hug*
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